My mother-heart is weary. I'm feeling particularly battle scarred this week. I have had way too many misses than hits and I'm tired.
Something changes in you the minute you know you are to be a mother. The world suddenly becomes... more. You see more. You hear more. Things that you could let pass you by suddenly need your attention. You need to know what you think and feel about certain things because one day a little person is going to ask for your opinion on the matter. What you have to say is gospel to this little person so you need to get your facts straight and your thoughts clear.
You are going to be their person. The one they call out to in the night. The one they miss when they venture out into the big wide world. The one that makes the hurt go away. The one that dances and sings with them. The one they know gets "it" when no one else does.
A lot has to be given up and a heart of submission has to come to truly embrace the role. A lot of time, energy, sleep and brain space. There are times when the old you is at war with the mother you and it's hard, really hard to be in the moment. The monotony of nappies, snacks, bottles, school lunches, the school run, homework etc etc can be stifling.
The pressure you can feel to get it right. To be their ALL. To empower and advocate. To not miss the opportunity of a wise word to be planted and watered to grow a lifetime of difference in their young heart.
Oh Motherhood...
I'm reminded today of a time that I spent with God two years ago. I was in a similar place to where I am today. The weight of responsibility was heavy and I felt it a load I didn't have the strength to carry. I was calling out to Him asking for His wisdom and encouragement. Where was I? How could I do this? I needed His plan to ground me and sustain me.
"Love them, just love them...", He said.
Love them...that's all. That's it! LOVE THEM!!! Oh the relief! The feeling of freedom...
Love them... I could do that. I already was doing that! Love is what underlies all I am and all I do for them.
How like God to take me back to the essence, the simple, pure core of it,
L.O.V.E
So as I sit here with my weary heart... those words are coming back to me. I let them flow over me and I recall that God is LOVE and I yield again to that and sow it into my heart...my Mother-heart. The heart He placed in me. He walks this with me and has given me my children as a beautiful gift and I am the one for the job.
Tomorrow is a new day... They are mine and I am theirs. He is mine and I am His.
